CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY
“You can’t speak it, you can’t project it upon other people, you can’t be like, ‘You should do this, you should change that way.’”-Jesse Amadeus.
“I’d like to introduce you to who I consider to be a quintessential lean entrepreneur,” Kant Olsen had introduced Angelie that way at the Northern Point private dinner he invited her to. It was his event. The man himself wrote the New York Times Bestselling author of The Lean Machine, had co-founded Northern Point, a consulting firm that works with Fortune 500 companies. He had just introduced her to Mr. Somebody, but all she could hear was kant talking. Shivers went down her spine. This man is validating what I’m doing.
But it’s not suppose to look like this.
It’s not suppose to look like a crazy girl making it just in time with $50 in her pocket. It’s not suppose to look like her wearing the dress she has worn over 100 times that year because she hasn’t shopped for new clothing in the past two years, it’s not suppose to look like her running down Market Street from the bus so she could make it to dinner just in the nick of time.
“Thank you , I’m very honored to be here,” she said. When she sat in the dinner table, high level brokers, and fortune 500 companies were all there. Kant wanted to introduce MJ to a few people to look out for.
Angelie has a hard time following up.
JIB JAB KICK
“C’mon everybody. Don’t give up. Keep going!” the 24 hour fitness Cardio Kickbox Instructor kept encouraging all the girls who were huffing and puffing to do half kicks. There was only one guy among dozens of women from all racial, socioeconomic and age backgrounds. We were all huffing and puffing, and it was there where Angelie, realizing how beautiful this all is, became present to her own power.
She saw the instructor. She saw through her. She was molested and from that point forward she had started to take back her power. The instructor was beautiful. She had a tone body, a Latina, and she was showing the class how to jab, jab, jab, kick, and knee kick to the Drum and Bass beat. Angelie knew that Mary Jane is only enhancing her intuitive and creative powers. This is the Age of Aquarius. The feminine divine are ascending. She was kicking into her own power for 2017.
THE PIGS COME HOME TO ROOST
Angelie checked her horoscope. She knew that this was a temptation. It said poor relationships, poor work, poor finance for 2017. She felt the fear creeping in. Insecurities. She wanted to hide in her blanket at home.
Today was not a good day.
She woke up depressed. She woke up knowing that she couldn’t work with the Adwords consultant because she hadn’t set up the membership site yet, and she hadn’t setup the mailing list and she didn’t have time learning how to do it herself because she had to put together the business plan, the 30 second pitch, the 1 minute, the 3 minute, and setup her foundations committee. What was this going to be? Nonprofit or For Profit? She’s already had 4 rejection Requests for Proposals. She’s in the negative. She has to do her taxes, has to send Thank You Letters, and not take it personally that the man who said he would sponsor her books had just flaked. She has taken her mother’s credit card and paid the debt off knowing that she was suppose to pay her mother back. She has no money, she has been on the computer for long hours for long days. Her eyes hurt from staring at the screen all day and her wrists are sore.
Today was not a good day.
After letting the consultant know that she was deeply depressed today and can’t get up out of bed, she hung up the phone and went back under the covers. A few hours later, she had gotten an email from Hack, the Adwords consultant.
It gave her hope. It was just enough for her to get out of bed, put on something, anything to keep her warm from the cold LA air, and drive to German’s home where he had donated to her nonprofit his editing software so she could continue producing short doc interviews. She also knew that he would advise her the best way he knows how–as a dear friend who has her best interests at heart. A good man.
“Sorry, the Bates Grant only had budgeted $500,000 for Giving Tuesday and it was all matched and completed within the first 2 hours of the Facebook/Non-Profit Campaign,” Amy said from Network for Awesome.
Angelie’s heart sunk. She was budgeting all her expenses for the two fundraisers she wanted to throw, she had picked out the WordPress designer who would build out the membership landing page, to start gaining traction for this movement. There were people wanting to intern, volunteer, and contribute in any way they could. She had already set up contracts to the Adventure Journalists–pay them on a scaled rate like what she was familiar with when she looked at the LAUSD teacher pay scale. Her parents, who had already lent her a big sum for this project, had given her another $7,000 out of their credit card so that the Bates could match it. When she realized that she was now misled by the ad, a sinking, nauseating feeling began to hold of her body.
She is in the negative. She’s been in the negative for two years. Worse yet, she couldn’t even pay her parents back the entire $7,000. She was in debt to the many people who helped–create the video, illustrate the book, etc., including hosting, mailing address, subscription membership to other sites, so she used the money she said she would give back to her mom to pay off people.
It was a fool’s ticket.
Angelie drove to Mentuck Women’s Shelter in Pasadena. It was Christmas day and she was at peace. Though her family was not physically with her, she realized that Jesus had kept his promise. They were all in her heart. Though her relationship with her sister, Emmy, had been strained, she had hope. Emmy was celebrating with her boyfriend today, and mother was at a friend’s house, playing Chinese bridge. She was alone Christmas day. She smiled. Jesus had delivered what she had prayed for–a nuclear family. Dad is back with mom–no more talks of divorce or splitting of assets. He’s out on a business trip in China. Emmy, though she didn’t agree with Angelie’s blatant, shoot from the hip talk, was still anchored to home because Angelie knew that she would welcome her sister back with open arms. It’s just a matter of waiting. She had to wait.
Love is Patient.
She was also torn. Was this a nonprofit? Now that it is a nonprofit, how is she to survive? How is she to adopt to kids, get married, have one of her own, and also provide for all of them? How is she to provide for her parents? But she’s already getting rejection letters left and right.
The fears pushed her into considering this to be a for-profit Benefit Corporation so she can receive some help, so she’s not borrowing money from her parents, who have already given a lot already, and so she’s not keeping her credit score down.
Can having a Benefit Corporation hurt? What are the long term benefits, what are the long term concerns? Will it thrive?
Holy Spirit says, Stay grounded. What will come will come.
She was driving to the Mentuck Women’s Shelter when she got a link to Judah Smith’s video, titled, Accepting, Not Asserting. She pushed it through to Bluetooth and it was like Wednesday evening in her car.
She knew how this matrix operates. What you believe, you will receive. Legion operates the illuminated astrological network to manipulate the masses. She knew better than to trust astrology. She knows that at the end of the day, she creates her own reality through her faith in Jesus.
Let go, let God.
“I’ve never heard of a non-profit that’s profitable,” German said, while they were eating at the Thai restaurant in Downtown Long Beach. They were at his favorite Thai restaurant. He was a talented, intelligent, self-made man, running his own Graphic Arts and Digital Design studio and Angelie would call him up whenever she had a tech issue. She was designing and hustling ever since he first gazed upon her at the bar in Venice two years ago. It was a professional dating service when they met under those circumstances but once he had discovered that she wasn’t interested in anything beyond a friendship, he had kept his distance and moved on with other women. He believed in her. He believed in her mission. She had a lot of heart. She was herself all the time–to a fault. It made her a character. An anime character. And what came out of Angelie’s mouth next was charming and stupid all at the same time.
“I get what you’re saying,” Angelie said to German, “but what if we can make a non-profit profitable? What if we can take a for-profit business model and apply it to a non-profit business?”
“Well good luck,” he said in disbelief. He looked at Angelie like she was crazy. Well, he’s looked at Angelie many times like she was crazy. And he loved her for it. He still had the hots for her. He knew he shouldn’t hang out with her but he couldn’t say no to her. Whenever she called him up, it was because she was ploughing through her project, and needed him for something.
This time she came over because she needed some help reconfiguring her email hosting to her gmail. And while he was looking up the answer for her, she was also trouble shooting (Drian, a professional video editor in the advertising agency, had told her this golden advice. “You have to learn how to troubleshoot on your own.”) She was frustrated when she started on her own at home, began feeling insecure and depressed, and remembered what German had done for her the last time she was having suicidal thoughts. German’s presence helps her stay steady. And it did. He was there patiently helping her. Just the fact that he was looking for the answer motivated her to make it a competition to see who would find the answer first. She did.
And when she did, he was impressed by her again. In many ways, there were the same–designers, creators, and entrepreneurs.
He started to install the Adobe Premiere software for her, which was what she came there to do, to override her hacked software that another director friend of hers had given her a year ago.
“You have way too many things on your desktop. Everything is….scattered,” he peaked into the mind of a genius. He remembered what his cousin had told him when she had exploded on him the last time she was in pain.
“I can’t stand the fucking ego. Especially men’s ego. It’s so loud, proud and fake!” she had vented to him. Though she was going deep into esoteric, it came off as a crazy woman ranting and raving against German.
“You said that you thought I was useless,” he had finally told her when they were eating at the Thai spot.
“I’m sorry. I really wasn’t lashing out against you in particular. I was lashing out at the world,” she said. “When my sensitivity meter is peaked, I can sense people’s ego. It penetrates and when it’s that sensitive, I can hear your ego talking over your inner light.”
Again, German didn’t pick up 100% of what Angelie just said. He only heard an apology from a mentally ill bipolar girl that he felt sorry for. It was a mix between charm, eroticism, and genuine heart that she exuded that stood out to him.
Angelie’s brain works differently. She can tell when people like German looks down on her, why so many people look down on her because she chooses not to filter her thoughts, her emotions, her life. Her words had stung him. She meant the ego and his ego took it upon itself to making it mean an attack on him.
Her brain farts out crazy ideas. It thinks outside the box all the time. That’s why the screen looks the way it looks. “Al-fucking-right, I get it German. I have to get my work station cleaned up, like my car, and my bills, and my room,” she said.
She cringed at the thought of Branson driving her car and smelling the stank of sweat socks and snowboarding shoes when he had to move it to let his dad come out. Probably another reason why he ran the other way….among many.
She took German’s external CD installer and his software. After she cleans out her workstation, she’ll be on a roll.
At the Thai place, she had showed him the book.
“It’s truly an amazing book,” he said.
“Thank you,” she said.
She showed him the book again, this time with the technology involved.
“The technology isn’t mine. My roommate introduced me to the co-founder and it’s his technology,” she said. “There may be a possibility of white labeling this for me. Jean said he would help out once this takes off.”
German wasn’t really listening to all of what Angelie was saying. He just kept staring at her lips. It was like Angelina Jolie’s lips–plump with a vertical line in the center. He wanted to kiss her lips.
“Don’t freak out. You’re okay. You just got to write out a tax deductible receipt. I think it is easy. Remember Goodwill?” Bon had told her.
Angelie felt a nauseating sense of doom. It’s tax season, she’s broke, and she needs to get her finances in order for the IRS for business and for herself.
She had written a tax deductible receipt, though day’s earlier, she was freaking out in front of Bon, who was to be her first sponsor for The Spoken Word event. She remembered Goodwill. She started doing the research for this. Once she had figured it out, it was, “Oh it’s that easy?” she thought. Yes, cause you’re amazing and you’re fucking sharp. Keep going.
“Don’t pretend to be stupid. You do that a lot. Your uncle does the same. He would act like a fool but when it came to take him in for longer observation, he was suddenly all clear again,” dad said.
THY STAFF AND THY ROD
King James Version (KJV)
23 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.
3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.
4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever. [x]
Holy spirit is with you.
Holy spirit is for you.
Thou shall fear no evil.