Act II Silver Linings·Passion

Seething

Fiction. Based on a True Seed. 7 minute read

You realize that you haven’t yet received a single big donation.

That’s because you haven’t really made the time and effort to ask. What is the hesitancy? Not hesitancy. It doesn’t excite you. Building the curriculum and going straight to the constituents does.

Most of the time you just enjoy making up ideas, executing on it, and seeing if it works. You want to create the curriculum and leave politics up to politicians.

That’s cause you can’t stand being someone different when you are really just you. You don’t want to always smile in front of people and make small talk. It seems there is some sort of game the wealthy play with one another. You are there to observe, you know the spiel, but you don’t like to play that game.

The wealthy genuinely want to make a difference in the world, but they too, feel overwhelmed, and perhaps if you can set aside your bias against them, and realize that not all wealthy people are entitled, narcissistic, and self-centered, and if you can let go of the martyr complex that everything has to fall upon only you, which is one of the biggest illusions of them all, then perhaps you have may have a sliver of a chance for getting funded.

Perhaps your idea is so new, and it drives to cross socioeconomic, racial lines, and age differences, that this is just your sowing your roots. It’s called “Love” story after all. I mean…it’s only love right?

You tell yourself that in 30 days you’ll write the playbook for growing and running a company like love story, but before you do that, realize that first you are present to the having to simultaneously design the front and backend while producing two showcases all within this month.

That’s the beauty of being bipolar. You can think in simultaneous paths–two realities growing, or rather to verticals growing and still happenstance find where the intersections cross…like the Twin Towers.

Dark Towers.

And perhaps Petra and Ivor were right when they said that the money will come when I get the game plan down. And that’s something that I must do because it’s my baby. The rest will help.

What else is stopping you?

Thieves.

You think about the latest movie, Big Eyes, and realize a man like the man in Big Eyes could do that…or a woman. It’s always someone close.

This already happened recently with the graphic designer you had hired wanted to take credit for the entire book design. You had envisioned everything in the book, gave him detailed instructions, and wanted to add your name alongside his when giving credit to the book design. He did the layout, I gave him detailed instructions on what to do, designed the team, the artwork, book size, order of the book and he insisted that he was the sole book designer. Yes, it’s a small thing but those small things add up to big things. He wasn’t willing to even share the credit. It wears away at your energy, your enthusiasm, and for a second I feel like the one still afraid to stand up to the bully.

What is up with that?

You are now learning how to write your own patent from Nolo’s book.

Cause you know that at the end of the day, people who see talent will want to exploit it for their own advantage.

Now while you don’t mind people contributing ideas and executing on it with you to share credit, it’s another thing when people take credit for the entire thing. You’ve had this experience time and again…in a lot of the group projects, you do everybody else’s work and give credit to the team.

You’re tired of it.

You’re tempted to make this entire operation just a small business.

Why should you give credit to a board that doesn’t contribute?

It’s bullshit. It makes you not want to continue.

The foundation isn’t structured where you can protect yourself. But then again, what are you really designing Love Story for?

This one’s for God. God wants you to design it as a non profit. He commanded it. Seek not your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5

Fuck.

Fine.

Non profit it is. You just don’t want to share or work with people. Admit it. You want your own ideas, your design, and have trouble admitting your own shortcomings.

That’s the real test.

Fuck.

Fine.

Just keep going. God stays faithful and true to his promises.

You must forgive and focus on what people are doing to help manifest this project.

Give more gratitude than attitude. 

Besides, what’s a love story if you can’t live out your real love story?

God knows your heart. He knows you’ve been wanting…no yearning…for the man who you want to start a family with.

He’s the x factor, the game changer for your reality, and you would eagerly trade your control to make time for growing a family.

You have accepted this.

But before God delivers, you must deliver your goods.

Write the playbook.

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